Tuesday, 17 January 2017

Greetings from Planet Mucus

Don't get too close, apparently it's annual head cold week. Or as I have asked on previous platforms-how many packets of tissues do you think this cold will last for? I'm currently up to about 50 tissues. I am so far resisting the urge to just use a towel, the furniture, carpet, my clothes, a random passing human.

Yes I've read the thing about how Vicks Vapour Rub on the soles of your feet can stop a cough. No I'm not convinced that works. I know exactly when the next dose of decongestant is due as my Barry White impression surpasses the man himself. I have the thin upper lip of an ancient woman with a thin upper lip-you know the type.

I am thrilled to be able to report that the right side of my face no longer feels the size of a watermelon and my ears have stopped buzzing.

I bet you're glad it's not one of these gastric flu things, aren't you? Imagine the details I could give you about that.

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